Creative Ways of Living: Bree Groff

Bree Groff, author of Today Was Fun, on valuing our finite days—even Mondays.

Creative Ways of Living is a series where we’re widening our aperture around more creative (and gratifying!) ways of living and working. Ways that allow us to build our identities around all of the vibrant – and varied! – different parts of ourselves, where life feels alive, inspiring and energizing.

In this month’s edition, we’re talking to my friend Bree Groff, author of Today Was Fun, launching TODAY 🎉 (join me in celebrating her launch and order the beautiful book here). Bree is also a Senior Advisor to SYPartners, and in this interview, shares her winding career path (which includes teaching high school, acting in LA, and leading transformation at SYPartners and NOBL), what it means to be the “Ultimate Lounger”, and how caring for her parents helped crystallize what really matters in life.

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What does life look like for you these days? How do you fill your days?

Every day is a little adventure. Right now, I’m working full-time on launching my book, Today Was Fun. Although full-time is maybe a bit generous of a description… I also take care of things for my dad, who has Alzheimer’s, and often the day is broken up by taking my 10-year-old daughter to softball practice or martial arts in the afternoons.

Despite my dad’s Alzheimer’s, we still have a lot of fun. When we’re out walking together there’s no place I’d rather be.

I try to exercise most mornings. Either lifting weights or heading to this place in NYC called Forward__Space, where you sort of dance around joyfully in a dark room to awesome music. From there, I head to one of a few favorite coffee shops and dig in for several hours. I could be doing anything from obsessing over a color choice for the book cover, to writing essays or guest interviews like this one, to reviewing audiobook cuts as they come in.

Tell us about the path that has led you to the life you live today.

I love that I’ve gotten to live a variety of different lives! I was once 23 years old, living in North Hollywood, trying to make it as an actor. Then 27 living in DC teaching high school math and finishing grad school. And 31 living in NYC with a husband and brand new daughter, trying to figure out the role of work in my life. At 34, I was serving as the CEO of NOBL Collective, a change and org design consultancy. And then 37, still in NYC, I was working as a Partner at SYPartners, a transformation consultancy. At 38, I was on leave from work as I cared for my mom with cancer and my dad with Alzheimer’s. My mom died later that year, and I’m so beyond thankful I had that time with her. At 39, I was deep in writing my first book, which felt even more essential to get in the world—a bit of my soul and everything I had learned about company culture, leadership, and—most critically—valuing our finite days on the planet. And now at 41, here I am, and the book launches in July! My husband has been my biggest supporter. My daughter is my junior publicist. I can’t wait to see where life takes me next.

Working from Arden’s softball practice

What does living a “creative,” vibrant and full life mean to you?

Here’s a spicy take… I often think of Esther Perel’s definition of eroticism: “The qualities of vitality, curiosity, and spontaneity that make us feel alive.” Nothing necessarily sexual about it—it’s just that feeling that something good’s around the bend and you’re here to dance with it. It’s not knowing exactly how the art you’re making is going to turn out, but you’re excited to keep writing/building/painting and see where it takes you. Or not knowing what will happen when you invite someone to coffee, but feeling hopeful for the new friendship. Or, for me personally, not knowing where we’ll live in the future. We’ll be in NYC as long as my dad is here, but Brad and I often think about where we want to jet off to in our future years as empty nesters and future retirees. Brad wants to live on a catamaran. I’d love a little cottage in the English countryside. We’d both be pretty thrilled with an apartment in Italy with a sunny balcony.

Little moments exploring the world with people I love. This is me in Puglia, Italy last year getting my hair done and sharing a dinner with friends.

I think ultimately it means a combination of Optimism x Not Knowing x Play. Feeling the wind in my hair—literally and metaphorically. Some detours and a lot of good stories. And a deep trust that most things work themselves out. My mom always used to say to me, “What you are seeking is also seeking you.” I think that applies to friendships, relationships, communities, careers, but in some way, life in general as well.

You quit your 9-5 job and decided to become a full-time author… wonder if you could tell us about that choice?

Yes! So there were really two things that had to line up to make this work: the confidence and the finances.

The confidence didn’t come all at once. I actually started writing the book back when I was working part-time as a partner in a consultancy. I was part-time primarily because I needed the flexibility to be able to manage things for my dad and spend time with him. But that flexibility also afforded me the time I never had before to start really writing and working on a book proposal. After finding a publisher, I wrote the book in this part-time consulting set up. It was only after I finished the book and was like, “WOW I really like it!” that I started thinking about what it would mean to go all in on the launch. Lots of people launch books with full-time jobs, and sometimes that totally works and is necessary. But there came a point when I knew that the intensity of the consulting projects was keeping me from giving my all to the launch. I had so many ideas and creativity bubbling up and I didn’t like that I couldn’t do it justice.

I thought of the Mary Oliver quote, “The most regretful people on earth are those who felt the call to creative work, who felt their own creative power restive and uprising, and gave to it neither power nor time.” I decided that I was going to shower my creativity in power and time, if I could. To treat it like an investment in my own publishing business. And that’s what led to the finances.

It was no small thing to leave consulting back in November. Brad and I have always both worked and therefore set up our lives with the assumption of two incomes. But we decided that if I was going to give this book my all, I would really give it my all. Brad started an amazing new role that gave us some cushion, and we agreed that it was going to be okay if this was not a great financial year for us. That’s what savings are for and what future earnings are for. I know I’m lucky to have a wildly supportive partner with a good role and health insurance. And I’m still doing a bit of freelance advisory work, speaking, and workshops. I share all of this not in the spirit of TMI, but to demystify how moves like this are possible.

Do you have any rituals to break up your routine, stay inspired and be in the moment?

I try to dance most days! Either at the exercise place I mentioned, or with my dad, who still loves to dance, or with my daughter, Arden. Amongst those three audiences, Arden is definitely the most judgmental ;) I don’t know… I think my dance moves are cool!

Dancing with my dad

On a weekly level, Friday nights are for being a slob, ordering takeout, watching the trashiest TV, and leaving dishes everywhere. Saturdays are for resetting the apartment, grocery shopping, watering the plants, and generally springing anew. Sundays are for exploration and play. I love a Sunday at the New York Botanical Gardens (my happy place). Or Governor’s Island. Or the just-for-fun art cafe, Happy Medium. Or gardening on our balcony. I love that rhythm of the week.

Sunday funday: Mother’s Day at the New York Botanic Gardens

What motivated you to write your book? What are you hoping to cultivate both for yourself and for those who cross its thresholds?

The last chapter in the book is “Get good at life, not just work”, and that’s been a really helpful guiding philosophy for me. I hope it will help others as well. We so often think about getting good in our roles at work, getting the promotion, and expanding our experience. And then life just sort of… happens around the edges. Or in other words, life gets work’s leftovers. But I hope the book inspires people to invest in all the beautiful parts of their lives beyond work. You can be a meets-expectations-employee and an exceeds-expectations human! You can get a gold star for museum-goership. A high five from a friend for cheering them on at their 5k. Or maybe, and I use this term in the book, become an “Ultimate Lounger”—someone so good at lounging that you might just be looking at Olympic trials. And when you are working, I hope that’s joyful, too! The first five chapters of the book are all about how we make our working lives more human, more invigorating, more playful.

I had always held these beliefs, but they really hit home in the months I was taking care of my mom. We’d be sitting in the waiting room at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, and I’d look around at all these beautiful humans yearning for more days. And then I’d talk to a work friend who was complaining that the week was soooo long and couldn’t it be over already. That contrast felt to me like an emergency. When we wish away the workweek, we wish away our lives. With the book, I’m trying to help people love their days. Even Mondays.

So, where can we get the book?

You can order here! She’s a lot of fun. I wrote it in a sort of vignette style, so it’s full of bite-sized wisdom and practices. I couldn’t bear to write a book about humanity and joy without making sure the book was also human and fun. There’s even a crossword puzzle in the last chapter. (And a secret message too… happy solving)